I'm having some sort of personality breakdown. There's someone myself and my best mate Lou-Bee know who is irritating beyond belief...because she is nice. She is constantly, terminally, self consciously nice. And supportive at all times.

STOP SUPPORTING ME YOU DAFT COW!!

She is supportive when there is no need for support. You could say "wow, it's really raining outside" and she'd say "aww, hun...well, at least your umbrella will feel useful..." You make a joke and she tries to support you! You say anything and get a lot of supportive "I've read too many self-help books but have no life experience" drivel in return!

AAARGH!

She always, ALWAYS responds to forwarded emails (you know, funnies that you irritatingly send to everyone in your address book)...usually with some pseudo-black patios "That's class, lady..." YOU'RE BLOODY ENGLISH SO STOPPITSTOPPITSTOPPIT!

Taking deep, calming breaths.

Grrr. The biggest problem is that she often has no idea whatsoever about what she's supporting you about. I have just become irrationally enraged by her stupid emails today. She asked what I was up to...I commented that I would be mostly doing nothing, as I am broke and therefore have no reason/means to go out...

I was not moping. I was not feeling sorry for myself. I was simply, merely answering her question. Her response?

"Don't worry about being broke, u have more important things 2 worry about!!!!!"

Now...I'm guessing that she's referring to my pregnancy (as she often refers to my pregnancy...in an irritating "offering advice without having any accurate information" kind of way)...so I gently explained that actually, being broke is a very big thing to worry about, as babies aren't cheap...as well as the fact that Christmas is looming menacingly on the horizon. Her response?
"Fair enough, money is an issue, but I guess wriggles is more of an issue is wot I meant."
YES I KNOW WHAT YOU MEANT YOU DENSE IRRITATING SUPPORTIVE COW!!!

Oh, also she said it must be good to not feel tired any more. Wha...? I do feel tired, often. I told her I'm still tired but much better than the early months. She advised me to take lots of Folic Acid.

Again, what the fuck?

STOP PARROTING INFORMATION WHEN YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

Right, I've got that nearly out of my system now. Quick call to Lou for rantage and all shall be right with the world. Thank you for your time. That'll be �50 please.