I think I must have had a very sheltered existance to be suprised by this. Alex was looking on ebay for some Vans and he saw one of these adverts. Good God. That's all I have to say.

Smelly trainers: "Ideal for foot fetish" .

Gay Fetish Trainers: "There is also a hole in the toe of one of the trainers". Hmm.

More Gay Fetish Trainers: "They must be about 4 years old and have seen all sorts of action."

Sexy worn tights: They are sexy, you know...

I'm slightly disappointed that if you google "foot fetish" you don't get an advert for a "FOOT FETISH SALE ON EBAY! GET YOUR FOOT FETISH HERE!!" as I'd expected. Damn.

Although, it did lead me to wonder what other fetishes there are. It seems if it's a body part, someone has a fetish about it. You can get elbow fetish, knee fetish (sing along!..."heads, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes...heads, shoulders knees and toes, knees and toes...eyes, ears, something else, mouth and nose...heads, shoulders knees and toes knees and toes..fetish") and yes, even a nose fetish. And there are specific websites catering for these. You could go and have a nose through (haha) the Big Nose Appreciation Forum.

Hmm.

MOUSSE REVOLUTION

This bears no relevance to the rest of this entry. I just wanted to ask you:

-->Have you Joined the Mousse Revolution??<--

Well, have you? And does this conjure up images of Militant Moose (or Meese, as they should be called)? Che Moose Guevara? And are you disappointed to find out that the mousse revolution is actually something about make-up called "Dream Matte Mousse"?
Anyway.

INABILITY TO SAY FOREIGN WORDS IN ENGLISH SENTENCES

This also has no relation whatsoever to the rest of this entry.

I've recently noticed that I'm unable to say foreign (particularly French) words in the middle of English sentences. I will NOT ask for a slice of 'gateau', I will ask for a slice of cake. I will not ask for a latte, I will ask for milky coffee. I will not add unnecessary 'e's to my pronunciation (eg "tarte" instead of "tart") and I most certainly will not request a 'tarte au citron' when what I want is 'that little cake with orange and kiwi on it'. I don't know why this is. It's just like fingernails down a blackboard to me...it bothers me in the same way that bad grammer on signs bothers me...or in the same way as people who write emails as though they are text messages, changing words to signal mispronunciation when there is NO NEED bother me. I'm digressing here...and my sentences are getting disturbingly long.

I do know that a lot of people just simply don't understand. Louisa understands, to the extent that she will order my latte for me (I just have to point to the menu and say "I want that one" in the manner of 'Little Britain'). My mother doesn't understand. We had a strange conversation recently, in which my mother simultaneously massaged her ego and drove me up the wall with trying to get me to say French words in the middle of an English sentence.

Me: "I had one of those chocolate pastry things for breakfast"
Mom: "Chocolate pastry?"
Me: "Yes, you know - the French things. They eat them for breakfast."
Mom: "Croissants...? Oh! (Hysterical giggling for no reason) You mean CROISSANTS!!!"
Me: "Sort of like those, but different. With chocolate in the middle."
Mom: "Ohhhh. Pain au chocolat"
Me: "That's it"
Mom: "Could you not remember what they were called?"
Me: "No, I just don't like saying French words in English sentences."
Mom: "Ohhh - you can't say it! (Further hysterical giggling)"
Me: "I can. It just grates on me and I refuse to."
Mom: "You're just embarrassed because I can say it and you can't."
Me: "...I can speak French"
Mom: "Go on then. (Hysterical unexplained giggling again). Say it. Prove it."
Me: "No."
Mom: "You can't do it. (Giggle giggle)
Me: "Hmmm....."

My, that was interesting.

I'm going to wash up now, because I have a fun and interesting life. Oh yes.