Today I will mostly be thinking about cleaning everything and emptying out the cupboard under the stairs. Not actually doing these things, just thinking about them.

Allow me to explain.

I really, really want to get the house all sorted and streamlined (with go faster stripes on the roof and everything. No. No.) with cupboards and storage spaces purged of unnecessary items and everything all clean and acceesible. I'm guessing this is a pretty normal second trimester 'nesting urge'*. However, it's unfortunate that this urge has come at a time when I am buggered up with cold and totally knackered, due to having to get up at 4am to sit in the bathroom snuffling and trying to breathe. After waking up every hour, on the hour, for no apparent reason.

So.

My brain says "NEST!!", my body says "FOR GODS SAKE WOMAN, SLEEP!!" and somewhere in the middle of all this is me, struggling and crying and not being sure what to do.

Have pity. Maybe someone could come round and clean/organise the house for me while I shout instructions from the sofa? Any takers? Anyone?

Bollocks to you then.

*Nesting Urge : Does anyone else have the image of pregnant women fetching twigs and fluff in their mouths and creating an actual nest? Or is that just me?

ODD THOUGHTS IN THE MORNING

On Monday morning I woke up with an unexplainable need to think of a greeting that began with the letter 'e'. I don't know why, or where this need originated from. I still can't think of a greeting that begins with 'e'. However, Flea was shouting outside the bedroom door, leading to me settling on "eeeyap!" as an acceptable e-themed greeting.

Luckily, I realised I was suffering from 'half-asleep dementia' just in time to stop myself from mumbling "I thought of one - eeyap is a greeting" to Alex when he came back in the room.

PIMP MY BABY**

I will now copy and paste an msn conversation between me and Alex. Yes, this is damned lazy. Yes, it's probably not interesting to anybody else. Yes, I'm going to do it anyway.

**Explained here. (Once you're on the page, do nothing for a while. Eventually, Westwood will shout at you in his cringe-making fake gangsta whiteboy voice. Just listen. It's worth it. "Come on baby, click the mouse, lets get busy, yo!" God I hate him).

Kate says:
I wonder if you can get baby bling?
Alex says:
i see an ebay search coming up
Kate says:
I predict one toooooooooo
Alex says:
there isnt anything
Kate says:
How are we meant to bling up our baby??
Alex says:
Toddlers in da ghetto
Kate says:
Try googling baby bling
Kate says:
You still there?
Kate says:
Blinded by the bling?
Alex says:
yes, its bad
Kate says:
But good?
Kate says:
Are there pictures of chav babies??
Alex says:
no, just all pink baby bling stuff
Kate says:
How are we supposed to pimp the baby??
Alex says:
we need WESTWOOD
Kate says:
YO YO WESTWOOD WILL PIMP DA BAYBY
Kate says:
Maybe, in the absence of baby bling, we could pimp da crib? Put a fishtank in it?
Alex says:
NO
Kate says:
But how, in gods name how, can we pimp da baby?
Kate says:
(I'm sorry, I'm thinking of westwood and can no longer say 'the')
Alex says:
i dont wanna pimp da baby
Kate says:
Poor baby
Kate says:
What if we got x to the z to the ibbit*** in?
Kate says:
Would you pimp the baby then?
Alex says:
no, its against my religion
Kate says:
What religion is that ("iz dat?")
Alex says:
the one where i'm God

Please don't take the baby ("da baby") away from us. We will be good parents, I promise. Honest, we will.

However...we were thinking of calling the baby either Heather Louisa or Harrison Spencer. After discovering this website we may have to reconsider. Check this out and NAME YO BABY!!!

***X to the Z to the Ibbit = Xzibit. He calls himself X to the Z Xzibit. I can't cope with this and have renamed him. My way makes more sense.

I may be back with more later.

Good day to you.