IT!
IS!!
A!!!
GIRL!!!
...Can you guess my news for the day? Can you guess? I bet you can't guess. I'll tell you. We're having a girl!! I'm so so pleased about this...I really wanted a girl all along, but had become so convinced that there was no way that it could possibly happen that I'd already decided that we were having a boy...so when doctor man said "that looks like a little girl to me" yesterday I nearly burst into tears right there and then. In fact, I'm so excited I'm going to do this:
!!!!!!!!
...and now I shall go and take my ritalin.
She was being absolutely perfect, totally different to last time. She stayed perfectly still and in an ideal position for us all to get a good look at her bits. Ah, we'll make a pornstar of her yet.
Best thing - they must not have been too busy at the clinic, as the doctor not only gave us 5 photos to take away (instead of the one that's included in our price) but also let us see her face in 3D, which is the most amazing thing ever! She had one arm across her face...she sleeps like I do. We've got a video of the whole scan, which is just totally fascinating. I can't believe we've got less than 16 weeks to go...it's damned scary, but at the same time I can't wait to have a cuddle with her.
Immediately after leaving I demanded that we go straight to Mothercare World for to buy cute little clothes (I know they're not necessary right now, but really...I have to be allowed these moments of girlishness). We now have some tiny tiny little socks, a pair of red combatty type things and a little tshirt with 'loves playing guitar' written on it...oh god oh god...the overwhelming cuteness of it all.
Anyway.
She'll be called Heather Louisa...and I don't disclose my actual surname on t'internet so you can bugger off and keep guessing. But yes - we are giving her 'Louisa' as a middle name because of Lou who also writes a diary on here (I may come back and link to her, I may be too lazy and tell you to find her in my profile...who knows!?). I know some people may think it's odd to name your baby for your best friend...but we really are very close (to the extent of psychic connection creepy shit close) and we have been for a long time. We've known each other for sodding forever, and even though we weren't the greatest friends to start off with, as we grew up together we seemed to get more and more creepily similar, until we're now at the point when people think we're sisters.* There's no chance we'll ever not be friends. Alex has said that Heather (God that sounds weird) will probably be moaning to him in a few years time about how she can't bring her friends home when Mom and Aunty Lou are together, because theyre just too embarrassing and weird. Which we may well be.
But anyway, this is all threatening to get very sentimental.
*Creepy - our sisters actually look quite a lot like each other too.
KONG YOUR WHOPPER
An explanation. I have an unhealthy love of adverts, and a tendency to adopt certain catchphrases/taglines from adverts and use them in everyday speech. I'm aware that this is confusing and not funny, but I just can't help it. Like "Have you been at that window again? Yes. Yes I have." and "You like that one Barry...". So.
You can imagine my love of the Burger King advert: "Kong Your Whopper!!!" Especially as you can Kong so many different things, and it can have different meanings for every use! Amazing! Wow! Fantastic!
Upsetting definition of whopper-konging
Kong my cat.
And again.
And again.
Kong my car.
Now Kong it in a slightly better way.
Now. Kong my Scrotum. "Duuuude, I've got a Kongleflap".
Are you having fun yet? You should be.
PLEASE HELP BEFORE I LOSE MY MIND
I can't do this. Will someone please for Gods sake figure this out and tell me how to do it? Please?? I'm seriously losing my mind.
MORE AMUSING FETISHES
Ooh - armpit fetish . This could be combined with a nose fetish to very interesting effect.
And...in googling "garden sex orgy" (don't ask...this is what happens when I talk to my sister) I happened across this site: MORE FUCKED UP SEX SHIT THAN YOU CAN SHAKE A STICK AT. Seriously, some of this stuff is so odd. I feel so naive! You especially have to check out Ghetto Porn, if only for the titles on the pictures: "Thick Ebony Momma Showing Her Ghetto Booty" and "Chubby Ghetto Ass" amongst others. Fantastic.
I think I'm done. Spent, you could say. I've spent all sodding day writing a god-damned assignment about Brecht...and I just can't cope anymore.
BRIEFLY, ALEX IS ODDER THAN EVER
He's painting the bathroom. I just went in there to see how he's getting on:
Alex: Why did we choose this wall to paint green. It has all edges.
Me: You want a wall without edges?
Alex: Yes
Me: But a wall without edges...neverending wall...it would take a long time to paint
Alex: No. Bubble-wall.
I had to walk away. I just can't cope. Especially with the difficult image of a floating bubble wall in the bathroom.
That is all now.
I bid you Good Day.