Two things have got my goat today ("got my Mo." Mohair, the hair of a goat. The hair of a Mo? Therefore, goat = mo. Understand?? Good).

1. An inability to spell simple words.

I know that not everyone is great at English and this is probably just me being a snob...but goddamit, I'm bloody well dyslexic and I don't do this!! Ok, I'm not perfect and I do make some spelling/grammatical mistakes, but it is not acceptable (in my head) to be 23 years of age and be making the following errors:

"Im glued to the computor"
"Just while im waiting for something perminent"
"It was all in chinees!"

These errors, coupled with a strange aversion to punctuation of any kind ("thats great mate im so pleased 4 u both heather is a lovely name did you have a nice xmas and new year"...) causes a totally unique breed of rage, leading me to wonder if going into teaching is really the right career choice for me. Hmm.

2. Writing emails as though they are text messages.

This one really drives me mad. While I accept that emails can be a casual form of communication between friends, thus allowing normal grammatical rules to be abandoned in favour of a more conversational style...I hate 'text message emails'. Why?? Why must people write as though they will be charged extra for every additional character they use? Why must they type '2' in the place of 'to'? Something that seems to go hand in hand with 'Text Message Emails' is 'I am a Gangsta' ghetto language. This is fine if you are a "gangsta" or you are using this language in a tongue-in-cheek kind of way...but not if you're just using it as normal language. Especially if you're English, have a degree in philosophy from the University of Birmingham and dress in a way that would make my mother proud (sensible, smart, lots of pink and flowers).

Ooh, there's a third thing that I dislike too:

3. Overuse of exclamation marks

Exclamation marks are useful when communicating excitement or putting across that you wish to 'exclaim!' something, rather than just saying it in a normal tone. If you insist on using an exclamation mark to end every single sentence you just seem hyperactive. If you use two or more exclamation marks to end every sentence you need to be sought out and shot with one of those tranquiliser things, usually used on dangerous wild animals.

The following email demonstrates this point perfectly:

"He he he!!!!!
I was a week early, probably the only time in my life!!!!!!
Wow, that's so cool!!!!
Bet ur excited, not long now!
Glad ur not feeling so tired anymore, I bet that's a relief!!!!
How goes uni and assignments and the whole being dramatical!!!!
Leeds is tomorrow, we leave here about 12.30ish.
Im excited, but today is the day I start coming down with a cold!
Typical!!!!
Don't worry about being broke, u have more important things 2 worry about!!!!!
It's a shame u didn't come 2 bushwakers, it was a real laugh!
Lou isn't in 2day, she's ill.
Hopefully she will be all better 4 2morrow!!!!"

Did you feel a little bit worn out after reading that? I certainly did.

Ok, I'll stop being such a cynical, judgemental old bag now. Honest I will.

VERY ODD SMELL

All of a sudden I can smell green peppers. I don't know where this smell is coming from. But I now want a green pepper to munch on.

BEING KICKED TO BUGGERY

Heather (that really does sound weird) has really been focusing her attacks on my bladder and cervix over the past couple of days...and it's really not comfortable.

When she kicks outwards it's kind of cute - I can feel it in a pleasant way and we can see my belly moving. When she kicks downwards it feels like she's trying to fight her way out of there...it's strangely painful in a not very painful way. Also, very disconcerting - I worry that she's going to kick so hard that she'll fall out.

Alex and I realised last night that it's totally unfair that we're not allowed to have sex just in case we bang my cervix a little too hard...but I'm under assault from within anyway, being beaten by hard little feet that are kick kick kicking away much harder than Alex has ever managed bang at me with his cock. He has never, ever shagged me hard enough to create the eye-squint-causing sensations Heather is causing right now.

On a related note - have you ever considered the implications of "TEN CENTIMETRES DILATED"??? Ladies - consider how big you would imagine your cervix to be normally. Now get a tape measure or something at look at 10cm. Now, make a 10cm diameter hole with your hands. Now imagine your cervix growing to that size. Oh. My. God. Childbirth, it's just magical. And I'm fucking terrified.

EDIT: Just quickly...I have had a strangely amusing google referral. Sneezing : causes pregnancy? Sneezing : A common symptom of pregnancy? I wonder what this person was trying to find out...

That's all now.

Apart from this : HUG ME LOTS!!

*HUGS* TOTAL! give Kate-Lee more *HUGS*
Get hugs of your own