THE HOFF!! IS GOING!!! ON TOUR!!!!!

Oh. My. God.

Yes, every word/phrase there did deserve its own emphasis. It's really that good.

Actually, a google search has led me to believe that Alex has been getting me excited for no reason. I can find lots of references to his Australian tour being cancelled, but nothing about any UK appearances. But how does he expect "David Hasselhoff sings America" to be a hit in the UK if he's not willing to put the legwork in? Hoff - get your act together.

You have to check this out. David Hasselhoff: Man of Peace . He is, you know. Just look at the sincerity in his eyes.

Also, while I would never say a bad word about Lord Bon Jovi (cheese is good, dontcha know), I am amused by "Bon Jovi apologises to fans". I kind of hoped that there'd be a heartfelt and sincere apology for 'Always' in there ("I, Jon Bon Jovi, would like to express my most sincere apologies for ever thinking to write, sing or release such a sick-makingly revolting, similar to fish-gut-stench, piece of work")...but no such luck. Come on, Bon Jovi. You'll have to face up to it one day. 'Always' is not going anywhere, and it's all your fault. You unleashed it upon the world and it will be there, forever and a day. Oh dear God, will someone erase the song from my brain.

PANIC AT THE SHEER VOLUME OF THINGS

How much do we have to do before this baby arrives?* A couple of days ago I wrote the list of things that we need to buy/receive ready for Heather's debut. I typed it up on the computer (because I'm a bit anal like that) and it took up three pages. Single spaced. 12pt font. That's a lot of stuff...although it is in a table (see - anal), so that does account for some of the page space. I'm now working on the 'things that need to be done round the house' plan (again, calender type thing on the computer...I think this may be an illness**) and it's just SODDING IMPOSSIBLE. May 12th is really not very far away now, when you get right down to it.***

*Arrival - big big euphemism. It makes the whole 'birth'**** experience sound like she's going to step off a train, wearing glamorous clothing and carrying a stylish case, refreshed and relaxed, smiling at her fellow commuters before stepping prettily into the taxi that will convey her to our front door. When in reality her 'arrival' will entail pain, sweating, pushing, possible tearing and lots of blood and fluids and things. And the high possibility of me crapping myself in front of a lot of people I don't know. Hmm.

**I saw the midwife yesterday. She says I have to get back in touch with the Psychiatric Hospital and tell them that I need more support, because I've become Obsessive Compulsive. I know this isn't something to laugh at, but it is quite funny. All this from a flippant remark, too. I must remember not to make jokes to medical people.

***"When you get right down to it". This actually doesn't make much sense, really. I must stop saying it. Or at least get Balderdash and Piffle on the case to find out the origins/meaning of it so that I can relax and stop obsessing over what the hell it means. And so that I can say it in future without developing an uncomfortable itchy feeling round the gills.

****I originally typed 'Borth', which would be a good name for a character in a Sci-Fi book or film.

MENTAL FROM SLEEP DEPRIVATION

Something else that people don't tell you about pregnancy, when everyone's in the cute fluffy pink world of "it's a beautiful time". During the second trimester, according to everyone, things are supposed to be lovely: skin glowing, energy brimming over, bouncy bouncy like Tigger, bump showing, soft pastel colours and everything is good with the world. BOLLOCKS.

I'm now 25 weeks pregnant (according to 'Pampers' I'm now in my third trimester*) and am BLOODY KNACKERED. I haven't had a full nights sleep for over two weeks. My skin is grey (and covered in spots to a degree that hasn't been seen since I was a teenager). I'm weepy, grumpy and irritable. My brain has turned to mush and I can't think in a straight line.

Oh yes. It's beautiful.

Not that I'm not grateful - feeling Heather kicking me is truly amazing (even when she is focusing her attacks on my cervix or ribs, which is actually quite painful). And I know it'll all be worth it when she's finally here.

*Third Trimester: Oh my God that's damned scary. It only seems five minutes ago that I was worrying about miscarriage and praying that I'd get through the first trimester without anything bad happening. Now we're in the final stretch. Shit. Crap. Other poo-related words. Time really does fly. Eep.

MOTHER IN LAW - UH OH.

Alex's Mom assaulted me with some knitting patterns. He has GOT TO stop leaving me alone with her. Alex leaves the room, Dee says "Ooh, I know what you need to have a look at...", before presenting me with a book filled with pictures of 70s style babies (very round, pink cheeks, mustard coloured hair, strangely 'scrubbed' appearance) wearing hideous knitted concoctions. "Let me know if there's anything in there you like" she said, and then proceeded to watch me closely while I leafed through the book with growing horror, all the while attempting to keep my expression placid and neutral. Alex says we can maybe get her to knit a baby blanket, to start off with. Just to keep her happy.

That's all now. Posting, posting, over and out.

Though I may be back. So don't be getting up to anything you wouldn't want me to know about.

HUG ME MORE!!

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