Wogan vs Wogan...TO THE DEATH!
[2006-01-30]


IN WHICH ALEX AMUSES HIMSELF MORE THAN IS NECESSARY

A conversation Alex and I had in bed the other night:

Alex: "You don't have an off button, do you?"
Me: (comedy suggestive) "I have an on button..."
Alex: "What - on and more on?"
(pause, followed by sudden eruption of hysterical giggling from Alex)
Alex: *laughing too much to speak normally*..."moron...."
Me: (bewildered silence) "There's something very wrong with you"
Alex: *still giggling*

IN WHICH ALEX CAUSES ME TO SEEM STRANGE

Me: "Were you here the day when there were some squirrels and pigeons fighting outside?"
Alex: "Yes..."
Me: "Did you see them?"
Alex: "Yes I did. You got very excited. You wouldn't let me drink my coffee."
Me: "Oh yes." (Remembering the squirrel/pigeon fight). "It was very good, though. It was a good fight."
Alex: "You love interspecies war, don't you."

WOGAN VS WOGAN, ONLY ON PAY PER VIEW!

Yet another conversation transcript. Alex was watching a football game and the crowd had just been expressing their displeasure with the referee.

Alex: "It's 6.45 on a Sunday evening, and the BBC have just broadcast over thousand people chanting 'wanker'."
Me: "Oh no...somewhere, Terry Wogan has just had a heart attack".*(thoughtful pause)...Would you like to see Terry Wogan fight Terry Wogan to the death?"**
Alex: (weary, bewildered) "What...?"
Me: "The Wogan vs Wogan death match"
Alex: "You know the triumphant Wogan would win using an egg and cress sandwich from the BBC canteen"
Me: "Wogan vs Wogan in a food fight to the death"

*Terry Wogan/BBC/Heart Attack: Terry Wogan loves the BBC. He loves it. Listen to Terry Wogan...at some point you will hear him say "Here at the BBC..." in a proud, fatherly voice.

**Have you seen the adverts for Wogan Then and Now? Terry Wogan is talking to a younger version of himself. It causes some problems in my brain. (I was going to link to the advert for the show, but I can't find any evidence of it anywhere. I didn't imagine it...it must just be hiding. Honest).

Although, I wouldn't want to say anything bad about Terry Wogan. If it wasn't for Wogan I wouldn't get excited about the Eurovision Song Contest. Oh, how I love Eurovision time. Generate some Terryisms. Go on, you know you want to.

THE FROG ON THE SKY ADVERT

Just briefly, has everyone seen the sky advert? Dog and Duck should really stop with the strange platonic relationship/sexual tension shit and should seriously consider getting some more dogs or ducks in the house, just to avoid any drunken mistakes. Especially with it coming up to valentines day - if dog and duck are lonely, stopping in, drinking some wine, watching a film...well, you never know what could happen. But anyway. The Frog!! Or, "THE FRIG!!" as my fingers keep typing, which is a much better word. That frog is great. All it does is stick out its little froggy (friggy) hand...but it's the best thing ever.

Unfortunately, I've developed a compulsive thing with the advert, in as far as whenever the frog is on the screen I have to stick out my hand in the manner of the frog. The advert came on yesterday when my hands were full, so Alex had to do frog impression on my behalf. Strangely, I felt much better once he'd done it.

MICHAEL FLATLEY, FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY, LIVE FROM MY CERVIX!!

She's doing Riverdance on my cervix again. It's incredibly uncomfortable.

AND FINALLY, BOLLOCKS TO IT ALL

That's all now - my brain is fried and dribbling from my left ear as we speak. Or as you read this. Well, as I type this, anyway.

Over and out.

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. HUG ME. HUG ME REAL GOOD.

*HUGS* TOTAL! give Kate-Lee more *HUGS*
Get hugs of your own

<< || >>