Shake it like a Polaroid Picture
[2006-02-03]


A NEW AND INTERESTING DEVELOPMENT

Ok. So. Some examples of the sort of men I find attractive:
-- Johnny Depp
-- Dave Grohl
-- Josh Homme

...and so on and so forth. So why the sudden girlish crush on Andre 3000? This makes no sense. He is not 'my type' (whatever that may be), I have never found him attractive before...and all of a sudden I'm finding myself having rude thoughts upon catching sight of him on tv. Is this more pregnancy madness? Or something else?

Very weird. But very interesting. I may have to google stalk him a bit.

THE NESTING URGE IS BACK

I! Am!!! So!!! Efficient!!!!! I'd got a big plan for yesterday, with a list of tasks and everything. I accomplished absolutely bugger all...but for some reason when I got up today I felt all energised and efficient and good. I think it's watching Desperate Housewives that does it to me: all their houses are so perfect and clean and show-homey, I long to live somewhere that organised and clutter free. Desperate Housewives makes me want to do housework. Useful. But anyway. I got up and had a cup of tea...then, before doing anything else, decided to wash up. The kitchen is clean, I've done some uni work and sent it to everyone, I've cleaned the front room. I am on a roll, people.

That was not interesting.

HERBAL ESSENCES HAVE SURPASSED THE CRAPNESS

Just when you thought a series of adverts couldn't get any worse, herbal essences decide to add a new facet to their campaign. Talking dogs. Fantastic.

It was bad enough when it was just women having noisy orgasms whilst washing their hair. But no. Ok, so they'd already introduced talking monkeys ("what do we get? Bananas."), which wasn't too weird...I mean the woman WAS washing her hair in the jungle, so I suppose there's at least a partial explanation. But suddenly cutting to two talking dogs sat on a sofa and watching tv? That's just taking it TOO FAR.

PITY MY HUSBAND, FOR HE IS ABUSED.

Did anyone see the programme the other night: "The Worlds Biggest Penis"? Brilliant! Firstly, I should probably come clean: I love penises (or peni, to use the self-devised plural). I love them when they're soft. I love them when they're hard. I especially love that in-between stage when they are neither soft nor hard, but more semi-erect and twitching. All shapes and sizes (just so long as the penis in question is clean and free of infection). And testicles too - they're fascinating. But I digress. Peni. I've occassionally wondered what it would be like to have one, but I'm not going to go down this Freudian path right now. Maybe another time.

Anyway.

Poor Alex - I saw the advert for "the biggest penis" and got very excited (as in animated, rather than moist), demanding that he let me watch the penis programme. So Alex had to sit there and look at lots of peni (one 13.5 inches erect!), all the while listening to me providing an unwelcome commentary ("...they shouldn't have shown 8 inch guy after 13 inch guy! Now 8 inch guy just looks all small and pathetic..."). Poor bloke. I suppose it could class as a form of cruelty. Or abuse, even.

He didn't mind when we watched the programme about the guy who was obsessed with his teeny tiny peeny (3 inches erect). He seemed to get quite interested in that.

It must be a male thing. I'm suprised he didn't start beating at his chest and throwing crap at me, bellowing and wiggling his giblets around in a show of masculine superiority.

Ah, damn. I just googled the programme and discovered that channel 4 had THREE NIGHTS OF PROGRAMMES DEVOTED TO ALL THINGS PENILE. How gutted am I???

HOMOSEXUAL RODENTS

I'm still in the dark over the gay guinea pigs on the egg advert. A google search hasn't helped at all, although I did come up with some very interesting (I use the term 'interesting' loosely, you understand) results.

-- A forum for people who seriously need to get some fresh air and sunlight. Honestly, I'm worried about them.

-- Another forum, this time with colourful gay rodent themed insults: "Don't threaten me, you don't know who you're dealing with. I fucked up your badger and i'll fuck up your chinchilla proper."

-- And finally, a disturbing article from 'The Guardian'. I'd always thought of them as a more sensible kind of paper. Not any more. "Now it should be emphasised that not all furries are plushies. And not all plushies get their kicks fornicating with strangers dressed as bears, rabbits and giant geese. But those that do often gather at Fur Conventions. Here the 'furverts' might be found in a huge 'fur pile', collectively 'yiffing' or 'skritching' one another. And this often leads to the fur being matted with what the yiffing furverts call 'spooge'".*

*Coincidentally, relating to the crappy article, Alex once dressed up as Beau Brummy, the mascot for Birmingham City. Just one of the many millions of things he now wishes he hadn't told me.

EDIT: Later
I just want to clarify here that Alex dressed up as Beau Brummy in the interests of supporting his team, not as part of a perverse sexual act. I realise this could have sounded a little worrying.

CAN'T HUG THIS...

*HUGS* TOTAL! give Kate-Lee more *HUGS*
Get hugs of your own

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