Yes. Ugh indeed.

Post-coital cuddles and sleep? Pah! I spit on post-coital cuddles and sleep.

Allow me to explain.

We had sex last night. Albeit our new, improved "don't put it all the way in" version of sex, but sex nonetheless. Lovely. All was fine and well...until I went to the bathroom and realised that I had a pink discharge. So I went back and woke Alex up properly, we waited for ten minutes to see what would happen (with frequent trips to the loo), then when it hadn't stopped I decided to call delivery suite, just to see what they advised.

By this point it was 1.30am.

They said "hmm, placenta previa, bleeding...I think we'd better take a look at you."

So..back upstairs and throwing on of clothes, two bewildered cats running around and trying to trip us up, greasy hair tied back and many layers donned...then out into the freezing bloody cold (-2) night and off to the hospital. Where we were informed that, despite it being 2am, we still had to pay for parking, leading to Alex haggling with the parking attendant (parking attendant!? 2am! What is the world coming to!!?). We eventually got into the hospital..but only after some confusion as to HOW exactly to get into a locked hospital. Blood pressure, temperature taken, belly measured, baby prodded/bullied by midwife, interrogation, listening to heartbeat, lots of sitting around* and finally a full vaginal examination and swabs taken from my cervix.

Then home. And to bed. At around 3.30am. By which point both Alex and I were feeling too hyped up and messed with to be able to go to sleep properly anyway.

I think Alex and I should recieve an award for inventive post-coital activities. Most people will have a cuddle or a fag or whatever else they decide to do after sex. Not us. No, we go for the "phone up a medical person and describe in detail what you've just done, then go down to the hospital for to have bright lights shone up into your ladygarden and the evidence/aftermath examined" option.

*I was sitting. Alex was wandering around the examination room touching things, looking at needles, expressing a fascination with the gas and air mouthpiece and becoming far too amused by a switch which was labelled 'lamp supply' ("Do you think if you press that a little guy brings a lamp? And if you press it loads...." *impression of many small lamp bearing men trudging into room*...I think he was a little overtired, bless him).

Ugh even further...Alex woke up late this morning (not suprising, really)...but in his haste to get ready quickly he repeatedly dropped things on the floor in the bathroom, tripped over, banged doors etc etc. A quick and effective way to wake up your knackered pregnant wife at 7.15am.

Oh, yes: total lack of any conclusion to story. Everything was fine, it was just 'normal post-coital bleeding' and there's nothing to worry about. But I'm suitably scared and we won't be having even pretend sex again. It's not worth the risk with placenta previa; if I start bleeding it could potentially harm/kill the baby and, if serious enough, could actually kill me too. Hmm...orgasm vs potential death...I don't think it takes much thinking about.

Right, I'm way too tired to write any more now. And I apologise for the severe lack of cohesion and grammatical accuracy in this entry - my brain seriously isn't working. Vigorous shower, bacon sandwich and extremely strong, sickeningly sweet cup of tea have helped...but I think I'll have to resign myself to a day of playing the Sims.

At least the house is sparkling after yesterdays OCD cleaning madness.

5...4...3...2...1.....THUNDERBIRDS ARE GO!!

GO ON - GIVE ME A SQUEEZE. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.


give Kate-Lee more *HUGS*Get hugs of your own