But not in a literal sense. Though I'm sure that being driven up a wall would be a perfectly acceptable element to a piece of performance art.

Don't get me wrong - I find it very interesting and I think that, when well done, performance art can be very clever (see Forced Entertainment, if you don't believe me. Honestly - it doesn't always have to be confusing and crap. No, really, I'm not pulling your leg. Honestly I'm not). But (and this is a big but*), when it's a group of second year degree students being mentored by a woman whos orgasms are directly related to the obscurity of her students ideas...well, it can just all get a bit silly and pretentious.

She wants us to do something based around the idea of identity. And using the idea of a grin. So...we've done some fucked up stream of consciousness brainstorming to see what we can come up with, and as a result I have today googled:
-- Paris Hilton
-- Tony Blair
-- Toddlers
-- Jaguar 'gorgeous' advert
-- Madame Tussauds
-- Googlism

Oh my God, Googlism is a godsend if you're trying to take an idea and then twist it into something a tad obscure. All I've had to do is type in a word and then wait to see what obscure crap googlism spews back. Look at the quality of some of the (seemingly meaningful) googlism results:
-- gorgeous is hoping the audience will believe
-- acting is only half the battle
-- fake is virtually flawless
-- honesty is such a lonely word
and my favourite one (which I fully intend to use):
-- lying is the foundation of white trash marriage

I sense lecturer orgasms on the horizon. We may just leave out the 'googlism' bit, though, and claim to have come up with them as the result of long discussions and open, honest, "no bullshit" thinking. Or maybe she'll enjoy the googlism thing, if we pitch it in the right way (look at the lies the internet tells!! Look at them!) and will have even more intense orgasms as a result of our using something which is essentially trivial as inspiration for our piece. It's hard to tell.

Bonus - she's not accepting any performance diaries or anything for the assessment, we're being assessed totally on what she sees...so, really, it doesn't matter what we're trying to say - as long as nobody understands what the fuck is going on everyone will be happy!

*Not a big butt, you understand.

CAN'T! STOP! EATING!

It's not like I'm just being a pig. I get hungry ALL THE GOD-DAMNED TIME. So far today I have had:

-- Two crumpets
-- Corned beef sandwich (on french bread)
-- Slice of corned beef
-- Slice of coconut and cherry cake
-- Slice of coconut and cherry cake (yes, again. About 15mins after the first one).
-- Two crumpets. Again.

And I always give myself time to make sure that I'm not just doing that weird "tired hunger" thing, too; where your body hasn't got enough energy and therefore demands (usually carbohydrate filled) food as a substitute for sleep. That's not it. I've developed bottomless pit stomach and I'm going to turn into a cow.

TAKING PLEASURE FROM THINGS THAT I SHOULD NOT TAKE PLEASURE FROM

I've become aware today that I take great pleasure in things that are a little weird.

-- Squirrel in tub:
Next door on the right hand side has an overly intricate, perfectly manicured garden. He's a single man in his 40s and his elderly mother comes round every day while he's at work to maintain the prim and properness of the garden. I looked out of the window earlier today and saw a squirrel in one of his big wooden flower tub things, digging, digging, digging, scratching plants and flowers up with wild abandon. This pleased me immensely. I am also pleased that the green plastic heron has fallen into the fish pond.
-- Overdressed people tripping over or generally making fools of themselves:
This is only great when the aforementioned overdressed person does something foolish (like tripping up a pavement or dropping food in their lap) and then tries to pretend that it didn't happen. I'm guessing most people will say "ah damn..." and then laugh at themselves...but with the 'just stepped off fashion tv', 'my hair will explode if you put a naked flame near it' people, they seem to get terribly embarrassed at their lack of composure, and consequently, embarrass themselves more.
-- When cats fall off things:
Especially when they suprise themselves by doing it. Don't let anybody tell you cats can't look embarrassed. They can.

ALEX IS ENTIRELY WEIRD

Remember the moron thing that made Alex laugh for ages? The memory of this joke has since had him in hysterics twice. On two separate occasions.

The first was when he tried to explain to me (amidst much snorting and giggling) that it's not so much the idea of me being a moron...it's the idea of me having a moron button. Ok.

The second was just a few minutes ago. Carrott had just done his 'I've been plugged in!' thing where he suddenly bugles and sets off around the house on a mad gallop. Alex commented "ah...somebody pressed his moron button..." and then started with the hysterical giggles again.

Hmm.

TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK LA LA LA LA LA LA LA (Gwen Stefani, what have you done?)

I HAVE DRESSED AS A FLUFFY BUNNY. YOU WANT TO HUG ME NOW.


give Kate-Lee more *HUGS*Get hugs of your own