HONESTLY, IT'S MUCH BIGGER THAN THIS...IT'S JUST COLD IN HERE...
A while ago Alex and I were watching the curling and we decided that it'd be great if a streaker suddenly appeared, just to liven things up a bit. We thought this was funny - I mean, really. A streaker at the Winter Olympics? It just wouldn't happen.
Therefore I'm incredibly glad I didn't post our musings on here, as no doubt someone might have thought we had something to do with this.
SPECIAL OFFER ON TINNED WORMS
My brain has been causing problems again. This time I've been having unreasonably strong terror responses to seemingly trivial comments.
The first instance was an email conversation with Lou, when she somehow opened up a can of worms by innocently commenting that I should enjoy my studenthood while I can. My brain took this innocent little comment, twisted it, and went down the following track:
-- I'm not bothered about re-entering the real world, more worried about doing NQT (teaching) year with a toddler
-- ...or doing PGCE with a young baby...
-- ...or doing dissertation whilst trying to look after a newborn...
-- My friend at uni who had a baby 6 weeks before coming back this year, the thought of whom was giving me strength and faith, just decided to take a leave of absence because she can't cope.
-- She can't cope, I won't cope
-- Next year will be very hard - Heather will be in nursery three days a week, but those three days will be spent solidly in the library. Then when I have her at home life will be hectic, I'll be trying to keep a house clean, look after a baby and do my dissertation, whilst also trying to have a life
-- I'm not going to have a life and I'm going to turn into a mental person with agoraphobia
-- What if I decide I can't put Heather into nursery and end up wanting to be a stay at home mom and I CAN'T?
-- Thinking about jacking it all in and going to work in admin.
The second instance of my pigeon brain getting into a panic inside my skull and flapping around like a terrified flappy thing was last night whilst watching audioslave live on tv.
The following occured inside my poor little head:
"I'd love to go and see audioslave. That girl sat on that guys shoulders is very attractive..."(looking down at bump)"...I look like a heifer...hmm. And I can't go to see audioslave because I'm going to be a Mom and I won't have chance. And I can't do silly and irresponsible things any more. I wonder when I'll next be able to have a proper drink? I'm 23, I'm too young to be a Mom. I don't want to be a Mom, I want to go to see Audioslave and get drunk and be irresponsible. Oh crap we're having a baby in less than eleven weeks..."
By the time Alex got home my eye was twitching again. He eventually figured out what was going on later, when we were in bed and I stuck my head under the duvet and muttered "big god-damn mindfuck..."
Luckily both Alex and Lou have managed to calm me down...but eek. Oh hell. It's a bit scary...I'm going to be a Mom.
I'm only seventeen in my head.
TANTRIC DRIVING
We've figured it out! Lou doesn't 'get lost', she does tantric driving. She manages to drag the journey out so that we travel a distance of ten miles in 45 minutes. By the time you reach your destination, well...you really appreciate it and are in need of a good cup of tea and a soothing (post-coital? Post-driving? Post-staring at the map in bewilderment?) fag. As Lou put it, eventually she'll perfect the art so that we will be arriving ALL THE TIME.
This makes me feel much better about the Hatton experience.
On a related subject, we discussed the necessity of an "I slept with Sting" support group, based on the following musings:
-- You have sex with Sting and the next thing you know you're ten years older and are covered in wrinkles. Sex with Sting could potentially be like an alien abduction experience, whereby you don't know what's happened and you're out of touch with the modern world.
-- You try to have a quickie with Sting before work one morning. When you eventually go into work you're asked "what are you doing? They moved offices two years ago."
SHE WANTS TO GET RID OF US
Remember a while ago Dee (Alex's Mom) went off on one about how we were all going to move to New Zealand and work in the extreme sports shop Edd isn't planning on opening, leading me to believe that she had a bad LSD experience at some point in her youth and she's now suffering the consequences?
Well, she's started again. Bear in mind that I'm only just completing the second year of my degree, I have another year of this, followed by PGCE, followed by my NQT year before I'm a qualified teacher. Also bear in mind that Alex and I are expecting our first child in May. On top of this, consider that we're broke.
So.
Why in hell did Dee cut out an advert from the newspaper, asking Secondary Teachers to move to New Zealand?
We've never expressed any inclination towards moving to New Zealand. I've never even been out of the UK. I've not been on a plane. Why? What??
She mentioned to Alex that she'd seen this, so luckily Alex was able to pre-warn me that she was off on one again...but still, vaguely non-plussed when she handed me the clipping yesterday with the explanation "I know it's not exactly the best timing..."
Why? Why must we move to New Zealand?
It's just so obscure. Sometimes I think it would be great to see inside her brain, just to understand what the hell is up with her logic.
WEIRDED OUT BY BABY FEET
Heather has a new trick! She learnt it yesterday and has been doing it ever since - sticking her feet all the way out so that I have a little hard lump on my belly.
I made a total tit of myself round at Alex's parents house, though. There was a nice civilised conversation going on, I felt the pushing on my belly so went to rub the area to make her stop (cos it bloody hurts!)...and there was a lump. A hard lump. Leading to me interrupting the conversation to gasp loudly and say "ALEX! OH MY GOD!!!!"
Oops.
It's very cute though. Every time she does it I tickle her foot, which makes her put it back in. It's not exactly comfortable (seeing as it feels like someone is jabbing me with the spike of an old fashioned umbrella...from the inside), but I kind of like it anyway. Although it does send me all odd, in a "holy crap there's actually a little person inside my belly" kind of way.
And now I shall stop with the baby development ramblings, as this really is only interesting to me. Oh God I'm going to be one of those parents...the ones who go on and on and on about how their child is amazing, perfect, a prodigy etc etc. I'm going to be so fucking annoying...
"MY BUMP, MY BUMP...MY LOVELY BABY BUMP (CHECK IT OUT)"
IT'S SO COLD AND LONELY...A HUG MIGHT HELP...:O)
give Kate-Lee more *HUGS*Get hugs of your own