I've been putting off doing these damned assignments and I have no idea why. I have everything I need for the really complicated one (the one I devised for myself in a fit of "ooh, this will be interesting" madness) and the other one really isn't all too difficult.

So why?

Why am I unable to concentrate?

I guess it doesn't help that I'm totally knackered, or that I don't seem to be able to focus on the screen properly. Or that I'm writing a diary entry - this may have something to do with it.

Maybe I need to just get off the internet for a while so that I won't be distracted by interesting looking emails popping up or the lure of google-searches (well, sometimes you just need to know the mating habits of the lion seal). Maybe I just need to act my age, remember that I am in fact 23 and not 14 and therefore should be much more capable of self-motivation by now.

Coffee. That's what I need. Coffee and no more of this incredibly dull stream of consciousness rambling.

Maybe just a little bit more.

WEIRD CONVERSATIONS AGAIN

1.
Alex: "This may be a stupid comment, but this clingfilm is really clingy."
Me: "Co-dependant clingfilm?"
Alex: "The clingfilm needs a relationship to survive."

2.
Alex: (talking about a football team) "They're Brazilian."
Me: "Zebra?"
Alex: "What zebra?"
Me: "You said zebra."
Alex: "No. There are no zebras."
Me: "Why did you say zebra then?"
Alex: "I didn't. There are no footballing zebras."
Me: "That you know of. But you did say zebra."
Alex: "No. I didn't say zebra."
Me: "Yes you did. You said "zebrazillian"."
Alex: *groans*

3.
Alex: "You should have a good day today. You don't have to go out and you have minstrels, mini eggs and those french chocolate things."
Me: "...?"
Alex: "Chocolate Pain."
Me: "Pain of Chocolate."
Alex: "Why is pain included?"
Me: "It means bread, it's pronounced 'pan'."
Alex: (disappointed) "Oh. I preferred Pain of Chocolate."
Me: "Ve vill shine a torch into your eyes and zen ve shall feed you PAIN OF CHOCOLATE! Mu ha ha ha ha..."
Alex: "I'm going to work."

STUPID JOB CRITERIA

Alex had an interview with HSBC today. Alex has had to cancel his interview...for a very stupid reason. He was going over the person specification for the role in detail last night and noticed something he hadn't picked up on before: all employees have to be able to open an account with HSBC.

Alex had an account with First Direct but, because of the financial difficulties associated with being out of a work for a time, got into arrears and they closed his account on him.

Alex can't open an HSBC account because he didn't have a job for a while and got into financial difficulties, and because Alex got into difficulties through not having a job he's now not eligible for a job with HSBC.

Figure that one out.

OUCH!

My baby is extra extra strong. If she was a mint she'd burn the roof of your mouth. If she was a curry you'd end up in A&E. If she was an alcoholic drink you'd never wake up again.

Seriously, it's really hurting today. She's digging her feet into my ribs and I have visible lumps sporadically appearing down the left side of my stomach...and she's being bloody minded, refusing to relax her limbs when I rub them.

It's a bit creepy sometimes, to think that these little hard lumps are actually the feet or elbows or hands of a tiny little person who's not only living inside me but who is also aware of her environment; listening to the sounds of talking, music and traffic, getting annoyed if I lie down on my side and lean too heavily on my stomach, sticking her bum out for a rub if Alex or I do firm circular rubbing movements on my belly and putting her bum in if we pat it.

It is quite amazing.

WASHING TOY CLOTHES

I've almost finished packing the hospital bag now, so yesterday I washed a load of baby clothes ready to add to the bag. The nursery now looks extremely...odd. It's all pretty much complete in there, and now there are baby clothes on the radiator and hanging from the curtain pole.

It felt almost silly to be loading these tiny tiny clothes into the washing machine...like I was playing at 'Mummies and Daddies' and I was actually washing dolls clothes. I'm very aware that we're having a baby in about six weeks, but every now and again something happens to make it all the more real. Hanging out baby clothes to dry really did the trick yesterday.

Alex was being very soft last night. I had a hideous headache (and can't have any painkillers other than paracetamol - joy!) and was feeling all throbby and dizzy. I was worried that I might pass out, so Alex agreed to accompany me for my shower - standing at the end of the bath and talking to me while I washed. He then climbed into bed with me, rubbing my back and stroking my arms, shoulders and face to try to help me relax and unclench. Understandably, I started to fall asleep. So I was quite amused when I opened my eyes a while later to find Alex looking at and stroking the bump, with a weird kind of happy expression on his face. I asked him what he was thinking and he said "...that's my daughter in there..." and then gave me a kiss.

He really is very lovely.

EFFEMINATE WORKMEN

There's been some chaps round this morning trimming a tree that was hanging over our back fence. The first one who came to the door this morning looked very big and masculine, but had a very small, high pitched voice. As though his underwear was too tight. There's just been a different big masculine looking man at the door telling me that they're now finished in the garden...and he too had a tiny little feminine voice.

Gay tree surgeons, perhaps?

AND ON THAT NOTE...

The workmen (gay workmen) have vacated the garden, it's not raining for once and it's not freezing cold. I'm going to take this opportunity to sweep up the leaves that have been bugging me for ages.

Notice that I'm still procrastinating on the assignments...?

ONE AND A HALF MONTHS-ISH...

GOOD GOD PEOPLE, ARE YOU SERIOUSLY TRYING TO TELL ME YOU'RE IMMUNE TO MY BARRY WHITE IMPERSONATION??? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME???


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