Hmm...disappearing for two years leaves some pretty big diary-gaps. Rather than trying to do a two-year life history, I think instead I shall just bore you with random anecdotes.
HEATHER UPDATE
She's one hell of a character, I've never known a toddler like her. She's fully obsessive about cleanliness; won't walk on dirty pavements, freaks out if she gets anything on her hands or clothes, everything must be put back exactly where it came from, to the millimeter. Some days it's like having a teenie Lady Macbeth in the house..."Daddy, I wash my hands now please?"...over and over and over and over...until we tell her she's gone wrinkly and can't wash her hands any more, at which point she becomes hysterical because she might still be dirty.
Last weekend, she potty trained herself. Seriously. She got up on Saturday, wandered into our bedroom holding a pair of pants (bought in optimism but never used) and said "I wear these today?" Ok then. She then proceeded to use the potty all day, with no accidents. Sunday, same drill. She's been going to nursery in pants all week and has only been having roughly three accidents a day...which apparently is very good for a little person who's only just started. Although, when she's at home we do put her in a nappy for naptime...bladder control is one thing, acting fast when you've been asleep is another. Actually, that leads me onto the legendary quotes.
Yesterday, H did a #2 straight after her nap, in her nappy. Alex brought her downstairs to change her and, as he unfastened the nappy, was warned:
"Don't eat it!"
Don't ask. I don't know where she's got that idea from. I don't think I want to know.
This morning, Alex was in one of his funny moods and was talking to me.
Alex: "When do you plan to...ride the lightening?"
Me: "What!?"
Alex: (raising arms above his head) "Idolise me..."
Me: "You're making no sense"
Heather: (turning around to look at Daddy) "...Daddy...why are you talking?"
Whilst showing me her belly:
Me: "Do you have a little belly?"
Heather: "Yes. Daddy has a big belly."
Discussing Grandad:
Me: "Does Grandad have a police car?"
Heather: "No. Grandad has bike"
Me: "He does have one of those too. But is Grandad a policeman?"
Heather: "No. Grandad's a big girl."
On seeing a police car:
Heather: "Nee Naw! Plice Car!"
Alex: "It is! What kind of people does a police car pick up?"
Heather: "Naughty people" (thinks carefully for a few moments? "...and sorry people."
THE CAT UPDATE
We now only have the one cat. Flea was hit by a car in July 2007 and died...I cried for days and I still cry now if I think about her...she was my perpetual kitten, I had to bottle-feed her when she was tiny and she's always been my little baby kitty ever since. I was seriously devastated when she died.
Carrott is still f*cking mental. He still can't be cooped up in the house and goes insane if it's raining and he can't play outside (though, he does tend to sit outside under the tree during particularly torrential downpours, which makes no sense). He still loves it if you make your hand into a tube shape so he can put his face in it. He's made friends with the cheeky cat that invites itself into our house during the day (and is sometimes found cowering under our bed if he doesn't move fast enough when we get home), but has started a 'neighbours from hell' style feud with the kittens from next door...and now keeps coming home with scratches and bald patches. He has no balance, no sense and isn't very good at being a cat. Last week I thought we were going to be off to the vet because he fell out of our bedroom window. Luckily he landed in a bush, so (apart from the cat shaped hole in the bush) no damage was done...but still. What kind of a cat falls out of a bedroom window!? We have two very comfortable sofas, but he prefers to sleep on top of the TV. He still eats fruit and vegetables, even when there's meat on offer.
In short, we haven't fixed him yet...and we probably never will.
THE PREGNANCY UPDATE
There isn't enough room to update on several months of pregnancy in one go...it'd get tedious and annoying. Bullet points! Bullet points are the way of the future!
- I'm currently just over 31 weeks pregnant, and I don't know where in hell the time has gone. Seriously. It's just GONE.
- We're having a boy this time, for definite. On the 20 week scan we saw his little (or not so little) willy...Alex's comment was "it's either a boy, or a girl holding a coke bottle"). Last week we had another scan and the sonographers comment was "oh yes, there's his, erm, thing. His scrotum." And there it was...huge, halfway down his thighs...I don't know how we're gonna get a nappy on the little chap.
- I've just been diagnosed with SPD, which really isn't great fun...but at least the diagnosis helps to give me some answers as to why I'm crippled this time when I wasn't with Heather. I'm on crutches, which makes me feel a complete tit, but at least I can get to the train at the end of the day without limping like someone attempting an impression of the hunchback of notre dame.
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
Alex is off collecting his parents from the airport at the moment, after their three week America holiday (lucky buggers). I'm on my own in the house, next door's kids are screaming and banging again...I could do with Heather staying asleep as I'm having a particularly crippled day and can't bend/get up of the sofa/walk without assistance...and she just sleep-grumbled. I may have to go...either to shoot tranquilising darts through the neighbour's windows to knock the damned noisy kids out, or to encourage little madam back to sleep.
I promise I'll update more in future. I promise I will. These last two aren't the end of it for me, honest!