Yay oh yay.

At least it will be "yay oh yay" if baby decides to co-operate this time. I'm under strict instructions to undertake experiments in baby-wriggling...translated, that means I need to try eating and drinking different things to find out what baby reacts to, just in case we need to make it change position. Hmm...a day where I am required to eat lots of things - oh, the hardship!! The things us women do, eh? I think we'll start with cake. It's as good a place as any.

Anyway.

The appointment is at 12.20 in the afternoon*...if baby does co-operate we shall then go directly to Mothercare World (do not pass go, do not collect �200) for to purchase cute little GENDER-SPECIFIC baby clothes! I know, I know: baby clothes are really the least of out worries...but seriously, if I'm not allowed to play with cute things I will throw a hormonal strop.

Hmm. I've found something that makes the baby wriggle. Housework. We'll be keeping quiet about that one, methinks.

Anyone fancying taking a bet on whether it's a boy or a girl? It's the 'DOES MY BABY HAVE A PENIS?' game, which would likely be presented by Keith Chegwin. I tried to get David Hasselhoff in to do it but his agent said he doesn't do quiz shows. Hoff, you're a snob.

Anyway. Alex really can't decide what he thinks; he keeps saying 'he' but last night said he's got a feeling it's a girl...I have a feeling it's a boy, but I think this may be because I'd kind of like it to be a girl...so I'm doing a kind of nice pessimism in thinking its a boy...hmm. Any thoughts?

*Obviously. We would not have booked a scan for 12.20 in the morning.

BACK TO THE NOSE FETISH THING

I know it's inappropriate and weird...but I'm just fascinated by it. There's a whole community out there watching Buffy with a box of tissues close by ("that episode where she's lying on the bed and you can see RIGHT UP HER NOSE"). There's even nose porn, apparently. People actually put thought into this. I've never been so disturbed as when reading one of the fetish people reviewing some "fantastic porn" he'd downloaded: "girl on girl nose rubbing action, sucking and licking noses" etc etc. Also, apparently you can get snot porn too. I've theorised that this would be like a nose-porn cumshot. Alex has asked me to stop theorising about fetish porn. It's a reasonable request. Although he's not without blame; wondering aloud whether nose-fetish people get overly excited at the thought of Jodie Marsh (shovelnose) or Gerard Depardieu. Hmm.

BREASTFEEDING IS NOT RUDE

I got told off again last night. We were lying in bed discussing the fact that Edd (Alexs brother) owes Alex some favours, which Alex plans to call in for overnight babysitting. I've said that Edd sleeps not only like the dead, but like a dead person who has been mummified, his brains extracted and his organs placed neatly in ceremonial jars and arranged artistically around his dead/sleeping body. I do not trust Edd for overnight babysitting. But I digress.

Me: Edd doesn't have the boobs for it.
Alex: He doesn't need boobs, that's not really an issue.
Me: "But that's just weird: "Here, have some of my breastmilk......I sucked it out especially for you..."
Alex: (bewildered silence punctuated by stifled laughter)
Me: What?
Alex: You're sick and weird. Only you could think like that.
Me: But that's what it is - it's not weird, it's just a realistic way of looking at it.
Alex: Somehow you make it sound disgusting...and just a little bit seedy.

Hmm. I suppose I can see what he means. But really. Giving his brother a bottle of my bodily fluids? I know it's all natural and normal, but when you look at it from my level (gutter-level) it is a bit weird.

CALGON DISAPPOINTMENT

Does anyone else remember the adverts for Calgon with the little jingle at the end: "Washing machines live longer with Calgon!" followed by a little 'glinty sparkly' noise? They've removed the jingle! I! AM! DISPLEASED!! What if Mr. Sheen decide to go the same way? What then?? I just don't know what the world is coming to.

Seriously, does anyone actually have any clue what I'm on about here?

Anyway. I'm meant to be working on an essay...my enjoyment of which is significantly enhanced by the frequency with which the name 'Erwin Piscator' crops up: I think it has to be one of the best names ever. But I'm not getting very far while I'm rambling on here. Smack my procrastinating hands. Smack them hard, baby, ooh yeah.

Right. Assignment. Cake then assignment. Cake and tea and assignment. It's a plan.

EDIT: Soon after

Two more cat songs I've noticed:
-- 'You're the catman' to the tune of 'The Scatman'
and
-- 'I touch you on your cat-head' to the tune of nothing in particular.
I should devise a musical: sod "Cats", mine will be better.

HUG!! ME!! MORE!!!

*HUGS* TOTAL! give Kate-Lee more *HUGS*
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